Acquaintances a plenty, Friends a few

Is it necessary to treat every acquaintance as a friend? Does every Acquaintance become a friend?

And...does a lack of a hectic and throbbing 'Social Life' automatically imply ones' lack of social skills?

Two conversations in recent times, have made me wonder at my own social skills. One, where I was informed that 'x' had lesser social skills than me [this was supposed to be a compliment.  And another, where I was labelled 'so boring' because I didn't drink at a party and in fact, I don't drink at all.I was hurt. My Ego was hurt even more.Brooding about it on my own didn't help. I resorted to google to educate myself, just in case I got my basic people fundas wrong.

A friend:A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.✔

An Acquaintance: The meanings are interestingly worded:

1. *a person who one knows only slightly, but who is not a close friend.✔

2. *Someone, one knows little about.✔

3. *Someone, one knows personally, but is not officially a friend.✔

4. *Knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate that friendship.

1. Social Life: Involves spending time with friends. Involves activities where people meet for pleasure.✔

Phew! The explanations match my understanding of the said words and terms!

Then why my predicament?

I look forward to and enjoy being with people

#I like

#can trust and rely on

# who will accept me as I am and not be judgmental

#who will be around in good and bad times

#who may or may not be in touch every day or every week but can catch up in minutes.....

----In short I look for uncomplicated relationships and easy conversations.

I have a few good friends, relationships that have lasted beyond the immediate. Friendships made during the different phases and faces of life.

Of course i have a lot more acquaintances – people with whom I can indulge in passing small talk for small durations ..... and thats all. Extended revelry, overly frivolous or guarded conversations are not for me- they wear me out.

'Social life' as I see it playing out around me consists of 'parties' [Kitty party, Diwali party, Valentines' party,,,...]– planned events, occurring frequently, consisting of a large number of people dressed to the T, Excessive food and drinks at unearthly hours and an underlying 'competitiveness' among 'friends'. There is pressure to hold parties in return to the ones attended. All in all, people  seem to have given in to societal pressure - to be seen as 'having a good social life'.

These are groups of friendly people [different meaning here – a friendly person is someone who is generally genial and amiable and mostly smiling]. Groups, that seem to get their 'character' from the participating members, when the truth seems to be that the 'individuals' try hard to mould themselves to fit into the 'group'!

The few 'parties' I have attended, I am sure the light switch played a prominent role than I did. I was uncomfortable and probably made the unsuspecting host very uncomfortable too.I just don't feel the need or desire to party in large number of acquaintances and can definitely do without the pressures.

Thank God for close friends!

And now coming to the current source of distress.

A small close group of friends who share sensibilities, has been a source of joy for the last few years. 4 couples,  neighbours, similar in background. Our lives seem to have have taken somewhat similar trajectories as well.

An acquaintance couple seem to be making inroads into the group. My friends seem to enjoy their company and have been including them in every gathering by default [our gatherings are usually informal]  on the assumption that I would be ok with it. I am not. I can see this turning into a 'Social affair'. The last such meeting made me uncomfortable. There were these 'long silences' and the occasional 'lack of eye contact' situations.I know that friendship is not a watertight compartment, my friends can and will make other friends. I do as well. But that should be outside of the closer knit circle till such time as a common comfort gets established isn't it?Its just that I am now hesitant to join our cozy coffee / breakfast sessions.What are my choices?

1. I can just go along and accept the changed equationsI can express my true feeling to my friends and trust they will understandI can make excuses for every invite and avoid my friends totally.

2. Option 2 its' going to be, given that I would like to continue to be friends with my friends.

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Originally published in 2015