The first day of 9th grade

She had come a long way in 50 years. Those who knew her at 15 wouldn't recognise her now. And those who did, seemed to choose to keep a safe distance. A rather unremarkable, reserved child and teenager, who seemed perpetually at a loss for words, preferred to remain in the shadows, would more likely be forgotten altogether.

Some traits show up when one is pushed into a corner at some juncture...and later in life become part of ones' personality. Her determination, boldness and sense of right and wrong, were of that genre..

“Don't mess with her, not even for fun”. Her boss had laughingly told her colleagues in one of their off-site team bonding meets. “She will give back as good as she gets. And then you will have nowhere to hide!” Their no nonsense and out spoken senior colleague was not to be taken lightly. She was the one who was tasked with onerous assignments with preset expectations of successful outcomes. Partly, her demeanour did not encourage anyone to mess with her. Though friendly and very much part of the team, her sharp reactions to loose talk, office politics and peer shenanigans, usually kept the inept at arms length. The foolish always learnt their lessons the hard way. The smart observed and behaved. Was she always like this?

1979

The red and silver double decker bus with the conductor at the footboard awaited the driver and any passengers who would board it before it moved out of its slot at the bus depot. He punched a small rectangular white paper ticket with deep pink print and handed it to her in exchange for coins that he dropped in the leather sling bag hanging on his shoulder.

She climbed the steps to the upper deck of the bus and walked to the first row of seats. The wide window in front allowed an unrestricted view of the road ahead from a height. She loved watching the world come up in front and then roll away out of sight as the bus moved ahead. A joyful ride in an almost empty bus was the favourite part of her day. 5 days of every school week, the public transport bus that started at 6.30 AM from the local terminus and headed towards her school about 5 km [3 miles] away, started its journey with her occupying one of the seats at the front row. On that day in June, the bus rolled out of the depot on time. She stared ahead unseeingly.

'It had happened again. It was becoming an annual ritual, she thought angrily. Why me? Why do I have to be the chosen one? How was she going to face everyone on the first day of the new academic year? Would her friends of the previous year want to continue to be friends with her? And if not, then how was she going to survive the ordeal the whole school year? And the year after?'

The first day of school was going to be the same as the previous one, a year ago. She would have to walk into class with yet another laughter inducing, mockery inviting 'defect'. 'Defects' - that's what these were. Inadequacies that her classmates didn't seem to have. An imperfect human in a world where all other humans had been created beautiful and perfect. To add to her miseries, her grades had dropped. She had always been amongst the top 10 in the class of about 55. Until this year.

She entered her classroom with downcast eyes, allowing her long plaited hair to partly cover her face, pretending to slightly bend over in front under the weight of her school bag. 'Hi!” Her classmates called out, Waving back disinterestedly, she walked over to the bench where two of her friends were already seated. “Why are you walking like that?” 'Trust a dear friend to blurt out the most avoidable at the top of her voice!'

“Hi!” she said awkwardly.

Which evil monster decided that “Hi!” would be the opening to any and every conversation? That greeting was designed to highlight irregularities in the mouth and reveal dental braces to the world! Her friend laughed out aloud and so did the other one next to her. “Oh God! You have braces! You look horrible!” And then other classmates crowded near her to have a look at the oddity. She now knew exactly what a caged animal experienced in a zoo every single day of its life. A great start to the school year!

Flash back to the same date the previous year. It had been impossible to hide the newly acquired pair of eye glasses. And the spectacle of the year 1978 she had become. “Oh my god! Are you blind?”. She had stumbled upon a pencil lying on the floor. “ You have four eyes now and still cannot see?” “You are going to have that 'thing' on your face your 'entire' life! How can you 'live' like that?”. Life as she knew it had ended.

Well, technically, she had lived to see another year and suffered yet another humiliation. Geeky looks, tongue tied, short-sighted and braces on crooked front teeth. This was one blessed 14 year old. Her grandfather had predicted that she would live till 80! Sure she would. If she holed up in a deep dark cave in an undiscovered island.

With amusement No.1 done with, the chatter moved on to the all time favourite 'first day of the year' topic. “What is your rank?”

'Rank' one more gift to teenaged humans, probably by the same evil monster! Couldn't schools just adopt a system of 'Pass' for the smart best and 'Fail' for the stupid rest? Oh No! The total scores of all subjects had to be totalled and ranked, with the highest scorer at the top of the class. Anyone with a rank that ran into two digits was, well...not exactly expected to shine like a star. A bias that would carry through and weigh down on all activities and achievements in the foreseeable future.

The classmates were rattling off their ranks, their voices sounded like distant murmurs. She wasn't listening. Her mind was far away. 'I will not allow more than one humiliation a year.' she said to herself.

There was a sudden silence, one that was felt rather than heard. Someone tapped her shoulder and asked “ what's yours?'. “I will not tell you” she blurted, looking around boldly at everyone. “I will not tell you”.

Her classmates stared at her and then burst out laughing. The quintessential teenage reaction to anything beyond their comprehension. The futility of that mirth had missed her then. It was the sound of her fall from grace.

“What do you mean 'You will not tell us? We can find out anyway. So just tell us!”

“I will not tell you” she said.

“If all of us here put our ranks together, we will figure out yours!”

“So go ahead and do it. I will not tell you.” she said firmly.

“You think you are smart, do you? Well...... wait and watch!” said one of the boys. The class bully. He had not secured a rank. He had failed a subject by 2 marks. The school principal had given her approval to grant him with 2 'grace marks' to push him through to the next academic year. Even He was capable of making her life miserable. Very miserable. 'Wonder what he would do now?' she thought

The teacher walked in just then. A senior respected Math teacher, who laughed a lot and seemed to love his job. Cheerful greetings and good wishes for the year accompanied by charming behaviour from the students who hoped to be in the teacher's good books for the year, were all done with. The class was just settling down with the books and pens, when the bully stood up and said “Sir, shall we all introduce ourselves to each other first? This year our class has been grouped based on the second language we have opted for and we are a mixed bunch who have not been together in the previous academic year. Maybe we can just say our names and the rank we scored in the last final exam?”. He looked in her direction wickedly and winked. 'Thats a good idea!” The teacher said. 'Oh no!' she thought in disappointment and resentment.

The classroom was made up of four columns of benches with five rows each. The introductions began with the column on the right. Thankfully she was seated in the column in the other end of the room. Her turn would be the last one.

One by one the students stood up, said their names and the rank they had scored the previous year. As each one finished their recital and sat down, all eyes would move to the next in line who would then stand up to say their bit. About fifty pairs of eyes resting on them, was an unnerving experience for some, they would stutter or lose their voice or forget their rank. Every once in a while there would be clapping, surprised whispers and some sniggering. She watched each of her classmates responding on their turn. Column one completed. And then the second column. The dread of the inevitable was looming larger every minute. The third set of benches contained the bully, who without any regret, remorse or shame announced that he had just about made it to the next grade. He then fixed his sight gleefully on her. It would be her turn soon.

She stood up and looked at her teacher. A silence descended on the class. All eyes were on her, while their ears waited to hear the number. “What is your rank?” The teacher asked simply because she hadn't begun to speak and didn't look like she was intending to.

“I do not want to say it”. She said.

Fifty pairs of eyes widened. Fifty nostrils breathed in simultaneously. And forgot to breath out. The few seconds it took for the teacher to react seemed to last for a few minutes. His eyes narrowed. And then his lips smiled. “ You don't want to say it? I can find out from the school office and tell the class! Shall I do that?”. He asked mischievously. “ If you want to, Sir” she said politely.

“Sit down” He said.

He looked around at the class. And then at her and smiled. “A brave girl she is. She hasn't done as well as she would have liked to. And doesn't want to accept that as her result. Good for her. She will definitely do better from now on. Let her rank be a secret.” He turned around and wrote the title of the first chapter from the Mathematics syllabus on the black board behind him and started to explain the chapter.

It was the last time anyone spoke about her rank or her spectacles or the braces on her teeth. She did not lose any friends, made some in fact. The bully stayed out of sight. Her fondest memories of school were the two years after that first day in ninth grade.

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Originally published in. 2016